Cascades

Have a little time...

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:54:15 GMT

No writing done, today. Instead, we sanded and patched and took out the sink and all the remaining cabinets and counter tops except the sink base. Then we had dinner with Ryan and Audrey (stir fry and apple pie), then off to the Science Museum for fireworks, rootbeer floats, and another peek at the Star Wars exhibit. (And now I'm all glum again about my lack of science degrees.) Tomorrow we try to take out the remaining base and get the walls and ceiling primed and painted. Sunday we start shopping for a lot of different pieces: microwave, fridge, stove, dishwasher (our current one is starting to leak), faucet, garbage disposal, knobs, and light fixtures. Ow, my wallet, I'm blind!

Did I mention that I signed up for an info session in August on the U of MN continuing eduction programs? I want to find out what kind of a degree I can get and how long it'll take (and how much math, etc. I'll have to relearn). Again, I need to take time to think about exactly what I'd do with said degree...

No more need to mind the gap

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:08:14 GMT

Yesterday, I played Phase 10 with my coworkers for an hour and a half whilst waiting around for cupcakes. I did actually get work done in the morning, but I still spent most of the day checking my e-mail. Still, in the last hour I was at work, I wrote 1,001 words and hit my goal for novel_in_90. Is anyone sponsoring me? I need to send you the first two chapters. I'm planning to write the first seven chapters, total, and see where I am at that point.

I also had my dentist appointment moved up by a day, and the dentist filled in the divot and the chip in my front tooth and built it up a bit. No more gap! Not that I minded the gap, but I do like the way it looks.

Today I've picked up books from the library (Visions, The Yiddish Policemen's Union, Great Jobs for English Majors, How to Write a Thriller), picked up a prescription, taught myself a bit of Japanese (I'm really liking the Pimsleur CDs), picked up paint and other painting supplies, set up doctor's appointments, paid bills for the kitchen and the trip to Egypt, moved the stove to the living room, took down the curtains and blinds in the kitchen, taped the wood, and taped up the plastic drop sheets so the dust won't escape again. Also wrote 933 words, making a grand total of 3,007 + 2,709 = 5,716 words written on the novel thus far. Done with Chapter 2, moving on to Chapter 3.

So much to learn, so much to do...

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 04:54:08 GMT

Yawn. It's a good thing I'm only getting a few discs of Fullmetal Alchemist at a time, or I'd be getting no sleep until I found out how it ends. (Okay, looking at the cover of the movie, I know somewhat how it ends, but still, I want to know how they get there.)

Cleaned some more (scrubbed out the stove, which was full of dust and other ceiling residue, and vaccuumed), filled out forms for the trip, and stopped at the library. The library is a very dangerous place for me to be, right now. I go in and I'm like a kid in a candy store--I can have anything I want, and it's all free, and if I don't like it, I can get rid of it. Today, I picked up audiobooks of Michael Crichton's Prey, The Prophet, poets reading their own poems, and an all-audio Japanese class, as well as a book on writing action/adventure novels (I'm looking ahead to the next novel already). There are two more books I'm going to reserve tomorrow: Visions: How Science Will Revolutionize the 21st Century by Michio Kaku and Great Jobs for English Majors. (I'm also looking forward to the audiobook of Michio Kaku's Physics of the Impossible.)

Too many interests, too little time.

My life is a to-do list

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 02:48:27 GMT

1. It's no secret, just a bit odd: I like MRIs. The ones you lie down in and are slid into. I feel like I'm about to be shot into space. Then I sit there and rock out to the rhythms of magnetic resonance, and/or end up in a trance state and feel a little disappointed when the loud noises stop. In general, it's really relaxing. And I started plotting a story where the main character wakes up hundreds of years early from cryosleep and has the computer tell them a story as it's gassing them, since they can't be put back under and they won't survive the remaining years.

2. Aren't my short stories happy-like? Generally, they all start out like this, and I slowly cut out the parts that would make numerous people want to slit their wrists.

3. The new round of novel_in_90 starts tomorrow. I'm getting a head start with my first chapter about Christopher.

4. Woo! One year of being married! Even the federal government sent us a present!

5. The main floor is dusted and rearranged so we'll have somewhere to put the stove. Tomorrow I'll do a bit more hardcore cleaning and taping.

6. To do tomorrow: pay bill, fill out forms, #5, write.

Where will I be in a year?

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 19:16:38 GMT

We decided to forestall finishing the sanding until Mike can get a better mask/goggles to deal with the dust. Instead, I'm going to be taking care of the dust that did escape, and we'll make sure to tape down the plastic, this time, so we don't have to do it again.

DIY = argh. I have one barked-up strip of tape that I'm obsessing over, because it's going to be hard to cover up. I really need to just let it go and accept that either we'll take care of it, or someone else will take care of it. It's okay. Just breathe.

As I mentioned, I got my passport and SS card in a week and a half. Good on you, bureaucracy! However, I would like my marriage certificate back, as was promised. Kthxbai!

I find myself describing the stories I want to tell and cringing because they sound done to death or because there's a lot of hand-waving. Many of the descriptions include, "and they have these super powers that somehow help them save the day!" Cringe. At the same time, I have a hard time completely getting rid of the fantastic element. Straight fiction (in several senses of the word) bores me unless it's done really well.

Pandora Love: Zeromancer, "Blood Music"; The Faint, "Hypnotised"

Things done and things yet to do

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 04:55:12 GMT

Write-a-thon Week 1 Goal: Accomplished! Chapter 1 of the novel is done. I didn't say it was good, I just said it was done, and everything happened in it that needed to happen. Now, on to row boats on a rainy day!

Other things I've done today: Taken too many trips to buy everything I needed, appreciated the fact that I already tore a lot of ligaments in my left ankle (hence, there weren't many left to tear when I twisted it), moved furniture from the living room to the garage, covered most of what was in the living room in a fine layer of dust (grrr!), finished The City of Ember and started another collection of classic ghost stories, mowed the lawn, weeded, and watered my raspberries and the hydrangea plant my mom gave me.

Things I need to do tomorrow: Call to reschedule my eye appointment, pay a bill, fill out the paperwork for the Egypt trip (I already got my new passport and SS card--in a week and a half!), get an MRI done on my jaw, buy goggles and a dust mask, eat dinner, sand the rest of the ceiling, start patching, eat cake & drink champagne, exchange gifts.

Tomorrow (6 minutes from now) is my 1 year anniversary. Mike survived an entire year of being married to me. Good on him. :-)

Progress!

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:11:11 GMT

Started with the back-filling process, last night. Got through the first half (determined by the desire to have each chapter be about 3k words), and now I'm trying to decide how the second half is going to play out, and whether I'm going to need to add some more to the front in order to cut down on the blatant exposition. I also need to figure out the answer to "why him/why now?" before moving on.

My mantra for this novel is "Just write it and get it out of your system!"

Wearing the "my finger is a snake!" ring that I was accidentally given for my birthday. (The ring has two pearls set together that look like eyes.) It was an accident because it was unintentionally included in the box with the real gift. But it also wasn't an accident, because the ring probably belonged to Margaret, my grandfather's cousin, who always really encouraged my writing. She was a retired English teacher, and she loved to talk to someone who was interested in listening/learning. It's too big, but it's still inspiring. I wear my rings when I sleep, and I had great dreams the one time I've worn it to bed.

I really only dream about two things, anymore: travel and monsters. Make of that what you will.

Deny me a third time...

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 23:36:43 GMT

Today I was turned away from getting my blood drawn for tests because the doctor who ordered it is no longer in the system--whether due to disciplinary action or because the database hadn't been updated, they didn't know. I think it's a sign that I really need to get off this medication.

Then I came home to find that the package I'd sent to occlusion last week was returned to sender. Bill, let me know your new address and when you get moved in, and I'll send it again. Grah.

I'm waiting for the inevitable rejection letter to come in my e-mail...any minute, now...

So we had our meeting with the people from the Displaced Workers Program and the Unemployment Office. I went online and checked how much I'll be getting if I sign up for unemployment starting in November, and it looks like I'll be okay until I find a job, assuming it doesn't take longer than 6 months. Whew.

The Displaced Workers Program got me thinking about what kinds of retraining I want to try to apply for. I thought again about the project management certification or the MiniMBA through St. Thomas, or the TEFL certification through Hamline (which I wouldn't be able to do until next year, so that's probably a no), or even just getting the training to be a CPA. I can get up to two years of schooling paid for, depending on how things shake out, so I'm going to be doing some serious thinking about that in the next few weeks.

Because I'm a tool, and because I'm bored, I offered to be on the company's DWP committee to get things moving. I'm pushing for more training/schooling options, because openings for editors are limited in our area.

And that's my day. Spent a bit longer plotting out Tinder and trying to convince myself to get some work done on the Write-a-thon novel, but that's for after work. In other words, now. Off to make dinner, then write.

And...go!

Revising down

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 14:19:49 GMT

To do today:
Install podPress and the stat program on the Web site
Get blood drawn
Configure LeechBlock
Write like a maniac

Sooooooo sleepy. Is being this out of it worth it, if I don't grind my teeth at night? It makes it difficult to get going on writing, because all I really want to do is take a nap for 2-4 hours. I've been having terrific dreams, too.

I've been reading Where the Hell Is Matt?, and I keep getting "Alice....Where the f*#k is Alice?" stuck in my head. I blame Will and Vic.

Listening: The City of Ember
Reading: World War Z

All is full of fail

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 04:03:13 GMT

I need to stop expecting so much of myself. Tonight I stayed later at work, worked out, made myself healthy dinner (chicken & salad greens, no dressing), watched an episode of Hex, and started emptying the cabinets so Mike can start removing them. It's almost 11, and I've done no writing. I think I give up on the contest, unless I can get my act together this weekend. Focusing on Write-a-thon. No, I cannot work on two projects (or walk & chew gum) at the same time. I try, and both suffer. Right, then. Back to Ian and the restaurant. ALIP, AT, and the mystery story will need to wait until the Write-a-thon is over, or until I have better momentum going.

Also, while reading World War Z on the treadmill, I started working on an idea for a novel called Tinder, which does not involve zombies. I need a better system for recording and cataloging my novel/story ideas. And finish a few more.

Motivation

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:35:49 GMT

I'm one of those people who needs there to be a reward at the end of a task. So I'm trying to dangle Fullmetal Alchemist DVDs in front of myself in order to get the story out by Monday, and the t-shirt in order to keep up with my Write-a-thon goals.

What I really need to do is install LeechBlock so I can be more productive rather than doing my endless rounds of visits to the same sites over and again. (I'll be doing that this evening. Thanks, diatryma, for mentioning this to me.)

Then there's also the need to balance writing with exercise. I want to go walk, tonight, but I also want to sit down and finish reordering the events in my short story, as well as try to get more written on my first chapter. Stupid corporeal form.

Stopping short of the finish line

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 18:16:07 GMT

Got everything on my list done (plus a few things I added throughout the course of the day) except the writing/editing. No cookies for me, though I think that's the healthier option. Tonight I'll be editing the short story and working on my novel chapter. (One of the guys in my writers group threatened to e-mail in a week and demand to know where the chapter was, which is inspiring. I've got until Thursday to deliver.)

Now that I have some distance from my story, I can see A) why people liked it (which really surprised me, at the time), and B) where sentences fall flat and where sentences work. Unfortunately, most of them fall flat about halfway through. This makes me think I should shorten my sentences. But I already knew that. Now I need to [plot points redacted]. And that should fix everything. (If only it were that easy!)

Site to check out: Where the Hell Is Matt?

I need to learn to be more productive during the day. Get everything I need to do out of the way, then work on the novel. Pretend it's the last NaNoWriMo I won all over again! (All the backfill I'm trying to do makes this somewhat more difficult, since I don't have the original text.)

Things to do, before it's too late

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 05:00:47 GMT

Things to do on Monday (during the day):
~~Pay for Viable Paradise~~
~~Call Devin about scheduling kitchen work~~
~~Call about ferry reservations~~
~~Call/e-mail about bus reservations~~
~~Call to make Egypt reservations (!!!)~~
~~Call to make TMJ clinic appointment~~
~~Call to make blood test appointment (I love doctors who hold you hostage like this)~~
~~Call to make eye doctor appointment~~
~~Call to make tooth cleaning appointment~~
~~Call to make travel clinic appointment~~

Things to do on Monday (afternoon/evening):
~~Pick up reserved book~~
~~Work out~~
~~Fill out recipe cards~~
~~Get bus tickets~~
~~Measure/order harnesses~~
Start editing submission story (and remind self I need to send it out by the end of Friday, as I will be out of town next weekend, at least on Saturday)

If I get all of this done, I get a cookie. In fact, I will make myself cookies. I will also promise to buy myself a school year daily planner.

I bought plane tickets for VP, this evening. I must really love my husband, that I'm taking him along. :-) We are saving serious chunks of change by taking the bus to the ferry rather than renting a car, but travel is still expensive. I guess this is that rainy day I was saving up for, right?

Finished: The Orphan's Tales: In the Night Garden
Started: World War Z
Listening: River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze by Peter Hessler (Soon to be interrupted by The City of Ember)

Contest, ahoy!

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 22:55:26 GMT

Note to self: The contest that is making Cherie Priest's eyes bleed is The 14th Chiaroscuro Short Story Contest. Submit something, already! You have 10 days remaining.

I already know which story is dark and closest to ready, so I'm going to focus on that rather than trying to get AT and ALIP ready to send out. What I'm noticing about it on this read-through is that the main character lacks emotional reactions to what happens. That, and the supernatural element doesn't really work, so I may cut that out and focus on the other disturbing aspects of what's going on.

In love with the world

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 21:34:01 GMT

The last Craft Talk ran this morning, ending my involvement in the Loft Mentorship Program for 2007-2008. I'll probably apply again next year, since it sounds like it's a lot more of a class (assigned readings, working one-on-one with mentors, doing a public reading with one of the mentors, etc.) than just a workshop, which I think would be extremely helpful. Now I need to write another multicultural fiction story, which is what it seems they're looking for.

After said Craft Talk, Mike and I went rollerskating/rollerblading around Lake Calhoun after perusing the Free Lunch Store (aka Whole Foods). We're currently ensconced at Dunn Bros Coffee, waiting for the evening's festivities to begin.

For those holding their breaths, yes, Mike did get cast in the radio drama-rama. He's going to be doing sound effects and bit parts. Here is the site for the production, for those interested in perusing: Cool Chills on a Hot Summer Night.

In addition to the writing podcast (working on it, working on it!), I'd also like to have a separate podcast for reading my great x 6 grandfather's poetry. I also want to put it out in a book format (I'll probably look to Lulu.com for that), but I think it's amazing stuff, and I'd like to get it out into the world. I would be reading the poems from his journals rather than the pieces that were published in Sylvicola, Or, Songs from the Backwoods.

Part of me wants to shift focus to the new novel, mostly because the writing I've done so far in the current one has been a little too confusing for the reader. But I decided that, if I'm good and meet all my Write-a-thon goals, I get this t-shirt.

This is for demonrapunzel:
You know how sometimes people on your friends list post about stuff going on in their lives, and all of a sudden you think, "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you should already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.

Please copy the queries/statements below, erase the existing answers and put your own in their places, and then post the result in your journal. Please elaborate on the questions which would benefit from elaboration. One-word-answers seldom help anyone out.

1. Name: SCB, which is in the process of changing to SCF for all purposes other than writing.

2. Age: 30 years + 2 days. I hear 30 is the new 20, which is more worrisome than reassuring, as I don't think I'd like to be 20 again.

3. Location: White Bean Townshire, MN (That's what it said on the name tag for the trip to India, and I'm sticking with it.) We'll have lived in the house we bought there 4 years as of August 1 (though we closed on the house on July 1).

4. Occupation: Until August 18th, I'm a Senior Editor for Pearson School (specifically working on supplemental texts for middle/high school). I'll have worked there for 5 years, 7 months, and 10 days, at that point. After the office is closed and we're all laid off, I'll be a woman of leisure until at least the beginning of November, as I have travel plans that probably wouldn't jive with starting a new job right away when my current job ends.

5. Partner: Mike, 40. By day, he's the Safety Manager at the Science Museum of Minnesota. By night/weekend he's a fellow author, photographer, and voiceover talent. Like me, he has far too many interests for his own good. We'll have been married for a year on June 30th, at which point I'll have been involved with him in one way or another for 5 years (not counting the first year we were in a writers group together).

6. Children: We have two cats we refer to as "the kids." I also have heirloom raspberry plants that I like to baby. That is all. No plans for any kids, unless my brother has children and I just have to have one, too. A very long shot, at any rate.

7. Brothers/Sisters: One brother, Eric, who is about two years and two months younger than I am. He works from home as one of the devious (okay, maybe not-so-devious) minds behind Jenkat Games. He and my sister-in-law have been married for almost 5 years.

8. Pets: Two cats, Violet and Indigo, as mentioned above. They are about 4 and 3 years old, respectively, as well as being mother and son.

9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
1. Losing my job, soon (the entire office was laid off), and looking forward to lots of travel and writing in the near future
2. Clarion West Write-a-thon (Support me!)
3. Birthday bash tonight at Solera, and 1st anniversary soon after

10. What did you go to school for? I received my BA in English with a Creative Writing emphasis from Stanford University in California in 2000. I received my Master of Fine Arts in Writing from Hamline University in St. Paul, MN, in 2005. I originally wanted to be a physics major and get my PhD in astronomy, but I discovered that I'm much more interested in the ideas than the practical applications. Still, if I manage to get a job with a university, I will probably go back and get a degree in science, or tailor-make a degree for a science fiction/fantasy author who wants more of a background in science, web design, and a few other areas.

11. Parents: My mom is in her mid-50s and has been lucky enough to spend her time as a woman of leisure due to my dad's wise business decisions. My father died about 7.5 years ago as the result of a heart defect that nobody knew about. Since then, my mom has spent most of her time traveling (especially on tours through Smithsonian Journeys, spending time with her children and her sister, and, lately, looking after her own parents.

A million ways to be cruel

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 16:18:00 GMT

As I had no presents, yesterday (Mike's presents didn't come in the mail, yet, and I'll see the rest of my family on Saturday night), I just gave myself a few from the development library: The 7 Habits of Highly-Effective People on CD, the first 110 years of National Geographic on CD-Rom, The Dictionary of Global Culture, and Roget A to Z. I also have some rather snazzy calculators I need to do something with...

I just had a completely amazing idea for a short story that quickly transformed into a novel. I may work on it concurrently with my CW novel, or I may work on fleshing it out at the same time and write it when I'm off work. It's currently called The Effigy, and it's a SF mystery.

I came up with it while thinking about transfer of consciousness and how that always bugs me in science fiction media (films, TV, etc.) For example, from what I remember of The Sixth Day, the threat held over the clones is if they don't behave, they won't be cloned again. Um, the person inhabiting that body shouldn't care, because they're not going to be magically resurrected in the new body. They'll be dead, while a new consciousness will show up in the new body, produced by that body's brain. It's not them.

I have similar issues with the Star Trek transporter. I don't think I'd step on one of them, thanks, since I don't believe continuity of consciousness would survive being teleported.

I don't know if I believe that consciousness can be trapped and transmitted electronically. I think that your sense of where "you" are can be influenced by things stimulating your brain (in a cyberpunk world, for example), but your consciousness is always based inside your brain. (Hm. Where would astral projection or other spirit journeys fit in that idea?)

So that was one part of it. I also remember watching a cartoon really late at night about a miraculous transportation machine that could transport you from one box to the next. The salesperson made the mistake of opening the first box and seeing that the person in it was actually being crushed/killed and a new person produced, rather than the same person moving from one box to the other. (I think James Patrick Kelly's "Think Like a Dinosaur" also uses this idea.) In the cartoon, the salesperson is so distraught that she steps into the box herself. The new self is completely absolved of the crimes of the old self.

Mike and I had a long conversation about this, and he came down on the side of a clone of a mass murderer being culpable for the crimes of the mass murderer, since--with the exact same physiology and memories--they had the potential to commit the same crimes. Very much like in Minority Report--the person hadn't committed a crime, but they were going to, so they were guilty. I was on the other side--this person hadn't done anything, so they deserve the benefit of the doubt.

Anyway, yay for a novel I think I could write that doesn't include any characters from my rbls and their 14+ years of baggage!

30 years: A retrospective

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:35:20 GMT

The highlights of the past 30 years, bullet point format.

Years 1-10: Birth through moving to the Cities
- Smaug (our cat, who my mom named after the dragon in The Hobbit), and two new cats (Mickey and Punkin)
- Baby brother (who has been taller than me, now, for many years)
- Garden spiders and the vegetables/raspberries in our vegetable garden
- Living in a mansion in Owatonna (built 1910)
- Kristin (favorite babysitter ever, who turned out to have serious issues with depression)
- Seeing the Northern Lights fill up the entire sky
- Going to Waldsee (the German language village/summer camp) for the first few times
- Going to my first baseball game shortly before the Twins won the World Series for the first time (1987)
- Starting to play softball
- Starting to play piano and the clarinet

Years 11-20: Mostly school
- Going to Europe for the first time (1990)--England, Germany, Italy, Austria
- Going to Game 6 of the World Series in 1991
- Going to Europe for the second time (1993)--England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria
- Two words: Sky Chair
- Senior year of high school (let us never speak of junior high)
- Getting into Stanford
- Joining the Stanford Band (and all that that implies), being section leader, and starting to play tenor sax
- Going to China for the first time (1998)--Beijing and Qingdao

Years 21-30: Pretending to be an adult
- Clarion West (1999) in Seattle
- Graduating from Stanford (2000)
- Interning in New York (Tor) and Minneapolis (Milkweed Editions)
- Started a tradition of going to Disney World/Universal Studios over Thanksgiving (which we did 3 times)
- Traveling to Costa Rica, Greece, Ireland, Italy (x2--Florence and Rome/Pompeii), China (with Hilary), England/France/Italy (with Mike), Hawaii (x2), India, as well as many domestic trips to California and New York and road trips to Chicago, Duluth, and Colorado
- Receiving my MFA from Hamline (2005)
- Three stories published (paid slightly less than $300)
- Getting Violet and Indigo from Hans
- Buying a house and getting married

And here's today's Garfield comic strip, wishing us both a happy birthday. If you read the Wikipedia article, my actual date of birth is in the first paragraph.

People I share a birthday with: King James I of England, Lou Gehrig, Julius Schwartz (comic book editor), Salman Rushdie, Paula Abdul, and Doug Mientkiewicz (who used to play for the Twins)

I hear that 30 is the new 20, which is not particularly reassuring. Does that mean I'm still not an adult? Not really? (Probably true, on some level, though I did just make reservations for Viable Paradise lodging, so at least I'm a responsible non-adult?)

Today is gloriously without things to do. I have one thing I might want to get to, but "want" is a little too strong a word, especially when you've got the craptastic headache I have.

Real productivity

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 21:30:49 GMT

This afternoon, I did the following:
1. Applied in person for a new Social Security card
2. Filled out forms for a new driver's license
3. Returned my library books
4. Sent in my application for a new passport
5. Mailed a package

(I would have had 6. Made reservations for lodging during Viable Paradise, but the office was closed. I will do so tomorrow morning.)

All in the 4-5 hours I would have otherwise sat around surfing the Internet at work. This is going to be a good few months.

(I also watched the first four episodes of Hex, slushed my way through three stories, and watched all of the Lenore shorts once again, as we have them on DVD.)

Deep inside

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 13:54:38 GMT

The secret is, I'm relieved.

Yes, I'm wondering how long it will take to find a new job, especially when I'm extending the time between the end of my current job and when I can start the next one (due to travel in September and October), but the idea of 10 paid weeks off (with health insurance) sounds really nice. There will be a mad attempt at reading my entire bookshelf of "books to read", and a lot of little projects. And, for once, I may get enough sleep.

That, and all of the stress I'd been anticipating between now and next March just disappeared. And that's a nice early birthday present.

As for the job search, I'm trying to think of that as writing a story and trying to get it published. When I do that, it doesn't sound so daunting.

Of course, then we went and paid for the labor on fixing up our kitchen, last night, which stung a little. But there was ice cream afterward at Cup and Cone. Ice cream soothes all injuries, even those to the spirit and the pocketbook. Needs must go there more often.

As soon as Mike gets an okay for the vacation time, I'll be making reservations for the trip to Egypt. It's going to be the same trip we missed last year, in slightly cooler weather. By not waiting until 2009, we still get to go to Alexandria.

Waiting on some word on what we're supposed to be doing, today. Then I'll be heading out this afternoon to mail some stuff and continue the name change process.

That was...unexpected

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 15:57:12 GMT

Um. So. Worries about the current job and the Doomed Project are out the window, as I will no longer have a job with the company as of August 18th. They're closing our office. Go Corporate America! I find it extra ironic, as I finally decided on the gift I wanted for my 5-year service award yesterday.

I think I will celebrate by going to Egypt in October, right after Viable Paradise. Why the hell not?

I feel really, really bad for the coworker who I kept telling this wouldn't happen. And the coworker who left to have her baby, yesterday. And the coworker who'll be having a baby in September. And the coworker who is having knee surgery in a month.

This came completely out of the blue, and not even our managers knew until an hour before we did.

I'm recovering. I don't have particular money worries, for the time being, but the idea of applying for another job freaks me out. At least now I don't have to worry about sneaking around to request references from people I work with.

Clarion West Write-a-thon 2008

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 02:02:30 GMT

It's nearly time for the Clarion West Write-a-thon 2008, June 22-August 1st! Once again, I pledge to write a lot and ask you to support me in my endeavors.

My goal for this year? Six chapters of my novel. I'd like to also raise more than last year, which means I need to drum up over $140 (most of which was my own cash).

The incentive? If you support me ($X for each chapter I finish), I'll send you the completed chapters of my novel. They will be rough and ugly, but they'll be yours. And you don't pay if there's nothing to get!

100% of the funds go to support Clarion West. You know you want to get in on the rbls-derived goodness! Follow the link below to cast in your lot.

Support me!

People won't be people won't be

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:05:09 GMT

1. Again: hermetic and I got into Viable Paradise XII. W00t! (Someone else be excited, pretty please?)

2. This weekend included: mainlining Fullmetal Alchemist and Gravitation, editing "A Life in Pictures," yoga-ing, napping in the car, being a kid in a candy store while visiting the library (ooh, I want to read that! and listen to that!), Northern Lights Wrestling, driving to my mom's place for brats on Sunday (and somehow staying on the road despite my eyes threatening to close for the last 10 minutes), and cleaning my office to the point where I can see the floor (though not for much longer) whilst listening to Doctor Who audiobooks.

3. I am once again Schroedinger's aunt. Saw pictures and everything. I'm hoping, for everyone involved, the third time's the charm. (And, if it does work out, I really hope they don't move to St. Cloud. That would be too far out of my range for me to be an effective Evil Influence.)

4. Mike is going to audition tonight for a role in live productions of four classic audio dramas. This is right up his alley. I wish him much luck.

5. I need to stop going to bed after midnight. This week, I also need to: make plane/hotel reservations for VP XII, send a letter that's almost a year overdue, get my name change paperwork filled out and dropped off, get the first chapter of my novel finished up and ready to hand out to my writers group, get ALiP ready to send out, and ~~con some people into~~ ask some people nicely with sugar on top to sponsor me for the Write-a-thon. (That post is coming soon.)

Happy Hamster Dance XXIV!

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:35:32 GMT

Assuming the zombie apocalypse doesn't destroy the world ahead of time, and I am not zombified myself by that point (I contemplated taking a picture of my swollen knuckles, because yes, it's real, and yes, it hurts), I have news for next September.

I received an e-mail very late last night saying I'd been accepted into Viable Paradise XII. The instructors are Elizabeth Bear (one of the main authors on Shadow Unit), Debra Doyle, Steven Gould (who wrote Jumper, which is one of my favorite books of all time), James D. Macdonald, Laura J. Mixon, Patrick and Teresa Nielsen Hayden (it will be good to see them again, after 7-ish years), and John Scalzi. And now I go and pick up books by all the authors in the list whose work I haven't had a chance to read.

Whenever I get acceptance letters, they always fake me out because they never start with "Congratulations!", like I think they should. I had to read my acceptance letter from Stanford twice before I realized I'd actually gotten in. (I was smrt in high school!)

That's the good news. The better news? I got approved to take time off to go. The best news? hermetic also got in! So I have a roommate! (I'm also hoping to drag Mike along, if that's okay--the trip is over his birthday, and I'm still trying to make up the missed trip to Egypt to him--but he would be writing and/or out taking pictures rather than mingling.)

Happy Hamster Dance! Yesterday's funk has dissipated.

Happy Friday the 13th!

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 14:28:30 GMT

So last night we were moving the grill out of the garage to make way for the cabinets that were coming Friday. Minnesota + almost daily rain for the past 2-3 weeks + dark + lotsa trees = enough mosquitoes to devour a herd of elephants. Now, I've lived in Minnesota almost all my life, and you'd think I would be used to the buggers. However, I got a particularly nasty stick in my left hand between my last two knuckles when we were carrying the grill, and this morning when I woke up, the hand was swollen and puffy to the point where the last two knuckles had disappeared in the sore, swollen mass that is the left side of my left hand.

I mean, the mosquitoes in India might give you malaria, if you're not careful, but at least their bites don't turn into golf-ball-sized welts.

I don't have a fever, so it's not West Nile virus (every time I go to give blood, I read the list of warning signs, so I'm pretty familiar with them). And I wouldn't have given it any thought beyond, "Gah, I'm getting progressively more allergic to mosquitoes in my old age!" if it hadn't been for the thud against the window.

I took it for a bird and, along with my cats, looked out to see if it was still alive.

It was a hand. At least, I saw fingers lying in the grass. The rest was a little too decomposed to determine whether the appendage had been a right hand or a left hand.

And then I looked to see what had thrown it.

We have about five zombies meandering through the back yard, slowly pinballing between our neighbors' fences on either side of the yard. They're absolutely filthy and mottled dark with rot, so if they were there last night, it's quite possible we still wouldn't have seen them.

Did one of them throw their hand to get my attention? Or to find out if anyone was still in the house? None of them seem to have seen me when I looked out.

What would they do differently if they had? The stairs up to the deck are difficult to manage even for the able-bodied, and our front door is metal-clad. Maybe they're waiting for me to come outside and play.

At least they aren't fast zombies.

My hand is stinging and the skin on it is pulling tight as I type. Maybe I should take some Benadryl to reduce the swelling? I have a feeling I might want to stay home from work, today. I can't see what's outside the garage side of the house without opening the door, and something tells me that isn't wise. They may be slow, but I'm outnumbered. And maybe running out of time. Should I call Mike and warn him to stay in the Science Museum bunker?

I wonder if this is happening anywhere else.

So what do we do, now?

initialdescent@hotmail.com — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 04:57:48 GMT

At the beginning of a new project for work, I always have a sense of hope that this time, it'll be different. This one will be something I'll be proud of! That completely died today.

I had thought, once I'd gotten promoted, that I would stop worrying about whether or not I was perceived as doing above average all of the time. After all, where else was there for me to go? There are no other supervisor positions, and that's it on the ladder. But I've been feeling more and more like I'm doing a crappy job of being in charge, feeling like I'm left out of important communication, and like the other team is doing a much better job than ours. This is partly due to lack of communication between the teams and between the parent company and us. And partly due to this project being DOOMED. WTF?!?!?! Why do I keep getting put on projects that are destined to fail? (To be fair, that seems to be true of most of the aligned titles our office is working on.)

I miss when they used to send the sales numbers around every month. Then I could point to the numbers and say, "See? A project I worked on is selling just fine (or at all)! There's a point to this!" As it is, we get praised once a year--at our reviews, at the same time when we hear most of the major criticisms--and otherwise, we get to spend worrying. About missing deadlines. About going over budget. About the on-level schedule falling behind, resulting in us falling behind.

Did I mention that we didn't hire another editor, so I'll be working on/managing two textbook lines? They have 40 editors at the on-level publisher, plus multiple supervising editors and manages, and we have 5 plus 1 supervisor. Admittedly, their editors are spending a lot more time reworking the manuscript--like what I had to do for the previous Doomed Project--but they each have one chapter to worry about, or part of a chapter, rather than four entire books (2 student editions + 2 teacher editions), plus all the ancillaries that go along with them.

I refuse to waste this year like I wasted last year. I refuse to let this job get me so fucked up again that I spoil things for myself and Mike. If things get rocky again, I'm not going to shove it down and work my 60+ hour weeks without complaint. I will complain. I am not a machine, and I do not so love this job that I will not walk away, as much as I hate letting people down and as freaked out as I am about finding another job.

This kept me from sleeping well last night, and it was on my mind all day today, and so I spent a chunk of today reading Shadow Unit. I didn't have much to do, and I had a hard time getting excited about thinking ahead to How I Can Make This Project Better!!!

We breezed through the Star Wars exhibit, but there was still a lot that was interesting. I especially enjoyed the clips in the different parts of the exhibit about model builders and sound engineers and robotics experts. And I almost started crying in the film in the Millennium Falcon mock-up, because it reminded me about everything that ever got me excited about physics and astronomy. Basically, after today and the exhibit, what keeps going around and around in my head is "I fucked up, back when I was in college and decided to be an English major. How can I fix this?"

I could blame Stanford for giving me a premed as a freshman adviser rather than someone who knew anything about physics or the physics program. Or, as I often do, for having professors who didn't want to be there teaching the physics and math classes I took. Or I could just say I didn't understand the way the world worked at the time, and either nobody did a very good job of explaining it to me, or I didn't listen. Either way, I am where I am. So. Where to go from here?

Probably nowhere, at 11:40 in the morning. But what are realistic options? I know that, several months ago, I wanted to be in a degree-granting program by fall. Of course, things got more comfortable again, and I pushed it off. I need to actually talk to someone at the U and see what is available for people who want to go back to school and change their careers at 30 because they're having an early mid-life crisis.

Something outside is screaming.

P.S. I brought in a giant beetle (1 inch plus) with me when I came in from breaking down boxes. It made noise, which is why I finally noticed it was sitting by my shoulder on the couch. It got put in a jar and tossed outside, where it proceeded to make unhappy noises. Now there are some large things trying to throw themselves against the window to get at the light inside. I wonder if it's one of them.

P.P.S. Mike just turned on the air conditioning for the first time, this year.